I have it on high authority that there will be no second coming of Jesus Christ during the pandemic because Jesus was not old enough. Because Christ only lived to be thirty-three years of age here on Earth, he is not eligible for the vaccine. Only those over sixty-five will get the vaccine for now and Christ does not make the cut.
The End of Dayers will have to put their hopes of the second coming on hold until we achieve herd immunity. Dr. Anthony Fauci has offered to give the Son of God’s vaccine personally as soon as Jesus becomes eligible for the shot in the arm. There will be no jumping the line, Devine or not, Christ will have to wait.
In other news, Moses was declared eligible because he lived a hundred and twenty years. However, word was that he was busy with a space laser taking out his wrath on California for their leftist policies and Anti-Semitic ways. Rumor also has it that Moses signed the petition to recall California Governor Gavin Newsom as well.
Satire Dies In Cancel Culture