In the most brazen bank robbery in the history of the world, the assailants are still at large. Authorities say in what was the biggest heist known to mankind, the United States Treasury was robbed of trillions of dollars. Witnesses say that the bank robbers were wearing masks of presidents and other well know politicians. They say the faces of these robbers looked exactly like our former president George W. Bush and our current president B. Hussein Obama. One eyewitness claimed to see a getaway vehicle, which was a helicopter, heading toward the direction of Crawford, TX.

FBI informants are working an angle that the conspiracy had a cell based in Chicago, IL and that cell ostensibly made their way to Washington, D.C. to perform the heist. Other eyewitnesses state that some of the bank robbers looked like Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd, but were unsure whether that was true or not because the two men were seen looking for the bank robbers themselves and claiming they could fix it all.

Security measures were put in place and the hidden money die packs have gone off. The unwashable dye has been seen exploding on Wall Street, The White House, Capital Hill, Detroit Auto Headquarters, all over the Insurance Industry, the Food Stamps Headquarters, and the Department of Health: Condom Division. More dye packs were seen exploding at the Unemployment Insurance Office, in the homes of non-tax paying Americans, the DNC, ACORN, fifty State Capitals, shovel ready job sites, and other countless places. Strangely enough, some of the dye packs have been going off in some of America’s largest banks and there seems no end in sight. A GPS tracking device has also followed a money trail that has lead them to the communist country of China.

The assailants are to be considered armed with the police power of the state and considered extremely dangerous. Tips about the robbers have been pouring into the Heritage Foundation and the Ronald Reagan Library at an alarming rate. Authorities ask you not to try to apprehend the thieves yourselves, but to use the power of the voting booth to bring these people to justice.

C. Rich

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